It’s been a while… again.

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

I think I am gonna revive this blog as my outlet on the stuff that makes me crazy and stressed at work.

Or maybe write stories again if inspirations comes along.

Life sure is tough lately but I believe that I’ll be able to survive this. It won’t be easy but who cares, life goes on and so am I.

A lot of stuff happened from my last post and I am laughing because I thought I was in a good place back then. Oh boy was I wrong. But anyway, let bygones be bygones.

I’m in a new place now. And things are going well actually. I’m getting recognized, appreciated and my talents and strengths are being utilized and realized. Makes me more productive and lets me learn a looooooot of things. Leadership has been good and thisnis the first time I feel like I can do me. I mean, my opinions are heared and revised, they provide feedbacks that willnlet me grow on my own. No judgements, only feedbacks that helps me re-evaluate the choices I am making.

So yeah. I guess this is a welcome back post. I guess for the next one, I’ll post here my Taiwan the 2nd time around last 2019 😉

It’s been a while.

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know if there are still people around my, but, it’s been a year since my last post.

And I can definitely say that things are better now.

I have a new career and life in Makati, I have met new people in my precious work that I still talk to at times and my current teammates in my current workplace.

I love what I do in my new work. But of course, there are things that are unlikeable, but hey, the people around are nice and they seem to trust me, in whatever they see me do. And it feels good. We have this certain bond like as a family but when work is involved, we work it out as teammates.

I am still a Python developer, but I am now developing under a ERP system. And also, a fresh start for me is I am also a User Traines. A head trainer at that. It is challenging training people when sometimes, the things I am teaching them is still unknown to me. But yeah, I am still managing to teach them things. And the office says that I am doing a great job. I believe I am. 😊

And then as for my personal life, there is this guy. He may not like me, but, hey, it is okay. I don’t know what we are. But you know, if I muster the courage to ask him, I will definitely ask him.

And I am still with my guy friends, obviously. They’re cool but we seldom hangout now, coz, you know, adulting.

I miss reading books actually. I haven’t got the tike to read coz of work. But my latest read was Dan Brown’s Origin and I fucking loved it. Haha. I hope I cam read Stephen King’s new novels, but oh well.

2018 was a rollercoaster for me.

January was my first solo concert with One Ok Rock! I enjoyed the concert even if I was alone. It didn’t feel like it because I am surrounded by people with same energy as I do.

February is a another concert for me, but this time, I am with my bestfriend. Playback Music festival with the line up of Stephen Speaks, Leigh Nash, Vertical Horizon and Blue!! Plus there are OPM opening acts like MYMP, Moonstar88 and Rivermaya.

March is when finally I ticked off an item from my bucket list. My beatfriend and I had a teip to La Union and Baguio! I really, really wanted to go to Baguio ever since and when it finally happened, I was so happy but disappointed on our tour agency. Oh well, at least I got to go to Baguio. The strawberry cake at Session Road was divine!!!

April was a low month for me. I left my first work in Makati because working there feels like I am working there for almost 10 years. Imagine that. In short, I was not happy at all. So yeah. But this is the month that I also started on my current work. They pay was not that high, but my surroundings is better compared to my last.

May is the month where my sister graduated and celebrater her debut. Big sister duties were all lined up! And hey, he joined us for dinner this month 😉

June is lowkey month. Busy adjusting to my current work. So nothing note worthy happened.

July is my birth month!! I got to celebrate it with the people I love. On 2 seperate occassions. 😉 One was on my birthdate, and the other one was 2 days before it. 😉😁 I WAS LUCKY THIS YEAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

August and September are lowkey months as well. But in terms of work, I got close with my workmates around this time. So, yeah, no more lunch out alone.

October is a hit for me! Got to attend 2 concerts this month. Panic! at the Disco with him 😉 and Ben and Ben with my bestfriend.

November was the month for the company outing at an isolated island. We lived in a house in an island for a night. We played games and drink stuff. We also had a bonfire. It was my first time and I didn’t know that it will be blazing hot!! Sooo yeah, I still made smores with them. Haha.

December was the month I thought deadlines will kill me. But they almost had me. Almost. If not for my team. Haha. And we had our christmas party at one of our management’s residence in Katipunan. Oh, and I still have that mewbie xmas party raffle charm. Haha i won the grand prize on the raffle and was able to take home a noche buena package.

So yeah. That’s the gist of my 2018. Some days are uneventful. But most of the time, exciting thingsa are happening. Especially during Thursdays 😉 and that month of April was a looooot of hangout with him 😉 hahaha.

And here I am, starting another month in 2019. I wonder what’s in my 2019 this year. Haha.

This has been a looooong article. And if you’ve reached the end of this post, thank you so much for reading 😊

Finally seeing the things worth keeping

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

Who knew that my guy friends would be ever so reliable when I needed them? I underestimated our bond. Maybe I just didn’t understand things back then, but now, I am seeing what things really are for the first time.

They were my buddies ever since our college days. They were there when I needed them to do things I cannot accomplish alone. And they were the best support anyone can have. Like your ever reliable and doting big brother? Yes, I have lots of them 🙂

And with things right now, I never expect them to have my back, without even asking for it.

And hearing from them that they’re there for me means the world to me. To me, a someone who lost her confidence and self-esteem, who lost the ability to trust people to be just there, who was lost in the unkindness of the reality, it really means the world to me.

But they are dudes and being this emo might make them puke.

So yeah.

I found my home again.

But I will leave home in a few weeks. And it’s making me sad. I thought I’ll be able to leave nothing behind, except my family. But they are there again, my second home. Ugh. Leaving is the worst but they are happy for me with that. And that’s all that matters.

🙂

When words aren’t enough, there will always be music to get through hell.

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes, people cannot comprehend what you are going through no matter how you explain it to them.

But there will always be music.

Music created by artists who are going through with the same situation as you are now, or got inspired by other people with the same situation.

And with it, I hope you’ll feel less alone. Someone, somewhere out there, there is another person who is fighting the same demon as you. Fighting, surviving.

There are others who choose written literature like poem, stories and the like. But for me, music will always be the remedy for every hurting feeling.

Just something

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

Well, I am not in the mood for writing stuff, or telling stories, or sharing my ideas. My mind is so blank but it’s full of unnecessary noise. I haven’t been talking to anyone recently. My sister is burdened with school paper works and I just can’t approach other people. I have this thinking that I will be a bother to them if I approached selfishly, seeking attention and time. Well, if it isn’t for attention and time, why would you approach other people? To ask something from them? Well, others are like that.

I’ve met with my friend yesterday after work and it was refreshing talking to another human being.

Ah, in my office, I have one other person existing here but he doesn’t talk to me. I don’t know why but maybe it has something to do with his personality and his preference and I am not up to those things. So basically, a day passes by here without us talking. And it’s getting on my nerves and all. But of course, who am I to demand a conversation from him when I cannot start a conversation.

Anyway.

Yesterday was fun. And now we are back to the boring days. But I am looking forward this Saturday. Will have to meet people because of their orders and the like. I started this mini business of reselling food. Thought it would change the pace in my everyday life. But I am getting irritated with the person I’m dealing with. She does not wish to compromise and I hate adjusting for people who only thinks of themselves. I am done with that shit.

But anyway. *deeeeeeeeep sighs*

Yeah, that’s why ‘just something’

When does love come in?

~ ArtreaDyan ~ Leave a comment

Lately, the media is putting a spotlight on mental health awareness and I think it is beautiful. One of those news is death by suicide caused by depression.

And with those deaths, comes along a list of people who loves you and is having regrets that the person died/committed suicide. People who cares for you and expressing their wish of a long life to you because you have so much potential to change the world.

I mean, I am not against it, it’s like a tribute or a remembrance to the person or something.

But my point is, I don’t get it. I just don’t.

I don’t get it why do some people express their love, affection and care when it’s too late already? When those words mean nothing at all anymore. When those words won’t reach the person anymore.

Don’t you dare tell me that those words will reach the person wherever he is, because how can you send a message to a person who is dead already? How can you send a message when you don’t know where that person is, in the saying that “wherever that person is”. Your words will just vanish with the wind. And IF IT DOES get to the dead person, will it matter? Will the dead come back, full of life?

Where were you when that person is struggling? What did you do when he finally reached out for help? When he seems to be seeking for attention, did you just shrug it off and say that he just wants attention, nothing more? How did you respond when that person told you that he cannot do it alone? Did you perhaps say that “god will not give you challenges you cannot handle” or “you can do it. believe in yourself.” or “you are far more luckier than other people because other people have it worse compared to you” or “talk to god and your worries will be gone” or worst and in my case, I have heard this first hand, “I cannot help you. You alone can help yourself.”

“I cannot help you. You alone can help yourself”

Why would you tell that to a person who is reaching out, finally showing his vulnerabilities, trusting you with his pain, showing you that he is a human after all, who gets hurt and falls down.

Then when all hope and light is lost and the person is pushed too far away, another light gets put out.

Or maybe, sometimes, that person didn’t reached out and nobody knew what was going through his mind and heart. He puts on a happy face whenever there are people around and didn’t show any vulnerability. But as a friend, would that pass by you? Won’t you notice the signs? I mean if you truly care for that person, you would notice, right? No matter how he puts up a charade of a happy person, there will still be signs. Or it’s just me, being sensitive.

This is taking too long, what I want to say is, please, instead of heartfelt messages, love and care for the dead person, let us start conveying those important feelings while they are still here with us. It will make a huge difference. It might not get through right away but eventually, you will be one of many that may be able to create a thread connecting that person and saving him in the end. Or if the person didn’t accept it right away, don’t just give up on them if you truly care and love that person. They are in a state where they feel like no one is there. No one is able to help them. It is hard, but you just don’t give up if you truly care for that person. You gotta be ready and strong, don’t expect too much from him when his mind and heart is in disarray because he already knows that he is a disappointment already. It may hurt you also because no matter how you care, that person may not see you even if you are there. So be prepared for that.

I don’t know if there people left who’s willing to do those things for the person they truly care about. That they will see it through the end and not leave you when things get rough.